A New Season

As I have attempted to put the pen to paper (or finger to keys) I found myself with a case of the very familiar writer's block. Or maybe a more fitting description would be, "I have 8 million thoughts and don't know how to organize them or make them cohesive and the chance they are actually interesting for this blog are slim..." It is both tempting and easy to just tell you about my day or what I did this weekend. But quite honestly, that is already happening on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter. I don't care to tell you about the inter-workings of who Mike and I had dinner with and how I felt about waking up 5 times last night to pee (yes, that happened) or what my latest pregnancy emotion is; that could be a new blog post twice a day! ;-) So you'll forgive me when a little time goes by with no post, as I think on meaningful things to include here. Or at least, meaningful to me :-)

It seems I have taken on the underlying theme of "seasons" on the blog. Over the past couple weeks it has felt to me that I am again transitioning into a new season. One that has married the practice of reflection with the emotion of anticipation. 

Yesterday I was 35 weeks pregnant, with 5 weeks to go until life as I know it will never be the same. Mostly this brings more excitement and joy for me than anything else. All I can ever remember wanting to be when I grew up was a mom. Of course that answer isn't acceptable for the fifth grade school project or your high school Spanish teacher, so I came up with a few "professional" answers and went to college and then became a nanny. I loved it. (Well, except for one family I worked for that confused the meaning of nanny with house slave.) But there is a sense in which I feel like I finally get to do what I've always wanted and my senior-itus can only last for 5 more weeks. In just 5 weeks I will have graduated and gotten my dream job. For me, that means the dreaded for some of you. Those 4 little controversial words that our society is so conflicted over, that moms are so conflicted over, that I have dreamed about: Stay at home mom.

**Very important side note: do not mistake my dream for an opinion. We are all different and have been gifted in a variety of ways. This is MY dream, not my opinion regarding the ways all mom's should raise their children.

With all this anticipation has come a great deal of reflection, too. As I think forward to what my son's life will be like, I hope and pray that in some ways it will be similar to mine. Abounding in great thankfulness, I can look back at the 25 years that make up my life and see that God has been good to me. I have not faced much suffering or hardship. I have known and felt without a shadow of a doubt that I have been loved every second of my life, despite my shortcomings or mistakes. All that I have ever needed and more has been provided for me. Sure, there have been seasons of difficulty and pain and minor hardship, but compared to what so many endure, I can see that I have been blessed. I am confidant I will face these times ahead, as the complications of life only increase with age. However, this is a reflection of the past, not a looking-glass into the future.

And so, as I continue to anticipate the future and reflect on the past, I am met with a myriad of emotions: Thankfulness, gratefulness, joy, eagerness, anxiousness. It is by God's grace alone that my reflections are met with a perspective that life is full and sweet. And it will be by God's grace alone that my anticipation will also be met with fullness and sweetness.

With Love,
L