Six Months!

My baby boy is SIX MONTHS old today! I still cannot put into words just how much I love him, capture  what he means to us or describe the kind of joy he brings. In every way he is amazing. Although I still often have moments when I find myself mourning the passage of time, he is becoming this little person who is so fun to watch grow up. He is discovering the world around him, wanting to touch and look (and eat!) each new object and texture and person. He’ll smile for almost anyone and laughs the most for his daddy. From the start his disposition has always been flexible and laid back. Bananas, sweet potatoes and carrots are his favorite. He apparently wants to be just like his cousin Eddie-bear and boycott any green vegetable. On the subject of Eddie, William loves his big cousin and Eddie has taken to him too, always wanting to give him kisses and make him happy when he cries. William’s latest trick is sitting up all on his own, though he has absolutely no interest in rolling over (accept of course in the middle of the night when he wants Mom to come put him back!). Already he has become an expert at air travel with a whopping 8 flights behind him and another 2 coming up next week! Amazing Grace is his favorite song and he loves to sleep with his giraffe lovey. He will still sleep in my arms and you better believe I take full advantage of that. Just today I went in during his nap and scooped him up and rocked and held him, thanking God for his life and enjoying a sleeping baby in my arms. It won’t be long until he is into everything, moving about and creating a wake in his path. I try hard to be present in each day with him, learning not to stress too much when he doesn’t sleep through the night or wakes too early from a nap. That kind of stress robs me from my joy. I want to look back on these months and remember how sweet they were, despite the ever looming anxieties every mom struggles with, eating and sleeping. I’m so thankful for this child. I’m so thankful to be raising William with Mike by my side. I’m so thankful for a big family that loves William, too. Happy half year William Michael Wenzler. May God bless you and make His face to shine upon you!

With Love,
L

A Conflicted Heart

William is almost 5 months old. Saying that out loud almost brings me to tears. Obviously when you have a baby, that baby must grow. For some reason though, the knowledge that my baby is growing is almost a little painful.  All the ways that he changes from week to week are amazing, so amazing that when Mike and I watch him play we are completely enthralled, totally giddy; the image of parents who are practically drooling over their baby with no ability to turn our eyes from him. But we do, because we have to. Because our marriage is important, because life is about so much more than William and his beautiful eyes and chubby cheeks. As he grows, I feel so many emotions about sharing him with the world. Part of me wants to post every picture of every angle of his awesome, 100% natural mohawk. I want to share every hilarious new thing he does or sound he makes. Tell every friend and stranger a new milestone he’s met and how he’s SO advanced (you know, just like every parent thinks).  It’s like when you fall in love for the first time and you want to shout from a mountain top telling the whole world how much you love ___. That’s how I feel about William.

And then there is this other half of me that wants to cradle him in my arms and cover his face and never let him go. I think maybe if I hold him tight enough he’ll just stop growing. He’ll never have to feel pain, his biggest problem will be that he feels hungry and I can fix that in seconds. William has his whole life to be exposed to social media. He will grow up in a world that demands tech savvy abilities, that will challenge social graces, and too easily allow every part of his life to be exposed with little to no accountability. We all hear about apps like “Hot or Not” and the hundreds like it that have turned the dating world upside down. They have taken meaning and intimacy out of relationships. Don't hear me wrong. I think technology is wonderful and amazing! As a parent, technology is terrifying.

So how am I to reconcile my conflicted heart? How do I teach William to be in the world, but not of it. What is the balance of sharing my wonderful gift of a son and also being his parent and protecting him. For me, the answer is placing my trust in Jesus. I have to fight every day to think that I can protect him better, that I can stop any storms from coming. And the reality is, the hard stuff in life usually brings us to a sweeter place. William will feel pain in this life, he will be hurt and do some hurting himself.  My prayer for him is that he will look to Jesus.

And as I hope for William, I too will look to Jesus. I will trust that a balance of sharing and protecting is a good example of being in the world and not of it. So here is a little peek of William lately.

For all who are confused, his mohawk is not man-made. Sticks straight up right out of the bath!

Newborn

4 months. 

With love,

L

In 2014 I Hope to... Link-up party!

How fun to start the year blogging via parrrrtaayyyy! Thanks Katherine, for inviting your fellow bloggers to your awesome blog, and for encouraging me to begin blogging again!

In 2014 I Hope To...Lower the Bar

It seems a strange thing to begin this year by telling myself to lower the bar. After all those years of being told to raise the bar, to have better and bigger and higher goals, to expand my expectations… well this year I’m doing just the opposite. Mostly because I have a 7 week old, and anyone whose ever had a 7 week old knows that very little actually gets done in a day. But also because, after all those years of raising the bar, striving for better and bigger and higher goals (and then usually failing) and creating expectations which were unrealistic and entirely too demanding, I am tired. Truthfully, in all that, I've just played the comparison game and it’s been bad for me.

…her house looks amazing in her fb pictures…

…they seem to manage their twin toddlers and newborn baby and go on dates…

…not fair that she always has a new dress AND looks skinny in it…

…her job seems amazing and rewarding, maybe I should think about going back to school…

we've all been there, right?!

So this year, I am lowering the bar. My goals are shaped around what’s best for me and my family… not what I see everyone else doing and saying. And what’s best for us might be a bit of a slower pace, less perfection, and hopefully a whole lot more grace.

So here goes, 3 broad categories of goals:

1. Mommahood: 

More than anything else in life, I've always wanted most to be a mom. In God’s goodness, this year I am a mom. Already I feel the difficulty in making decisions for my son, decisions that have a thousand differing opinions…and if you don’t make the right decision, though no one will actually say it out loud, you are made to feel less of a mother. Guess what fellow moms, I’m declaring there is no one right decision, and my husband and I are going to make the decision that we think is best for our son and family. In a little defensiveness, yes I got an epidural. It was glorious! Yes my child sleeps in his crib in his own room, away from his momma. He is sleeping almost 7 hour stretches at night and hasn't stopped breathing, thank you very much. And no, giving him a paci and a bottle in the first month did not create nipple confusion, he nurses like a champ. If you've made different choices than me, I hope you know I support you 110%, I hope you’ll do the same for me J So my goal this year is to spend as much guilt free time loving, snuggling, holding, playing and caring for my son- whether or not we have clean underwear and dinner on the table. AND to make it an effort to support my momma friends who make different decisions than me, without judgment.

2.Family Living: 

Most of our evenings look something like this; Mike comes home (or steps out of his home office) sometime around 5:30, I am getting dinner started and we chat for awhile, maybe over a shared beer or glass of red wine. We eat around 6:30 or 7 and clean up. Ok, Mike cleans up J At this point I usually beg to sit on the couch in hopes of watching the next 3 episodes of Downton or 6 of Parks and Rec. My husband, being the King of not wasting time usually wants to read or exercise or do something requiring brain cells. We also hope to spend time reading God’s word together or some other book that would facilitate in growing our faith. So this year, one of our goals as a couple is do to so, to follow through. Because it is good for us, for our marriage, and because we want glorify God. We’ve just started a commentary on 1 Samuel by Dale Ralph Davis. I highly recommend it. The author is intelligent, sarcastic and pastoral all at the same time. Once the weather warms up, we also hope to be more involved in our community. Whether that’s joining a softball league or becoming “regulars” at the park, we feel a deep desire to know those living around us and to hopefully form friendships out of it.

3.Personal Goals: 

This is the hardest category… to not set myself up for failure, to lower the bar while still striving to improve myself. Thankfully, God does not leave us where we are, and so I have help in this department. Without going into detail, some off the cuff goals would include loving my husband well, maintaining patients with my husband and son no matter how exhausted I feel, taking time each day to read and pray, stick to our grocery meal plan/budget, continue to improve and be a good steward of maintaining our home (in relation to cooking, cleaning, inviting guests in, and giving of our time and resources. I must include that my sweet sweet husband shares is so many of these responsibilities with me, that he makes it easy for me!) And then of course, there is the ever looming, year after year goal of health and fitness. Still don’t have this one figured out, mostly because I am not the most disciplined of people. But this year we bought a treadmill! I’m optimistic that the convenience of having it in my own home will improve the likelihood of using it! And last but not least, to be gentle with myself. Remembering that I shouldn't have a standard of perfection, but instead work to be content with my imperfect self. 

Cheers to 2014 and may God receive all the glory!

With Love,

L