William is almost 5 months old. Saying that out loud almost
brings me to tears. Obviously when you have a baby, that baby must grow. For
some reason though, the knowledge that my baby is growing is almost a little
painful. All the ways that he changes
from week to week are amazing, so amazing that when Mike and I watch him play
we are completely enthralled, totally giddy; the image of parents who are practically
drooling over their baby with no ability to turn our eyes from him. But we do,
because we have to. Because our marriage is important, because life is about so
much more than William and his beautiful eyes and chubby cheeks. As he grows, I
feel so many emotions about sharing him with the world. Part of me wants to
post every picture of every angle of his awesome, 100% natural mohawk. I want
to share every hilarious new thing he does or sound he makes. Tell every friend
and stranger a new milestone he’s met and how he’s SO advanced (you know, just
like every parent thinks). It’s like
when you fall in love for the first time and you want to shout from a mountain
top telling the whole world how much you love ___. That’s how I feel about
William.
And then there is this other half of me that wants to cradle
him in my arms and cover his face and never let him go. I think maybe if I hold
him tight enough he’ll just stop growing. He’ll never have to feel pain, his
biggest problem will be that he feels hungry and I can fix that in seconds. William
has his whole life to be exposed to social media. He will grow up in a world
that demands tech savvy abilities, that will challenge social graces, and too
easily allow every part of his life to be exposed with little to no
accountability. We all hear about apps like “Hot or Not” and the hundreds like
it that have turned the dating world upside down. They have taken meaning and
intimacy out of relationships. Don't hear me wrong. I think technology is wonderful and amazing! As a
parent, technology is terrifying.
So how am I to reconcile my conflicted heart? How do I teach
William to be in the world, but not of it. What is the balance of sharing my wonderful
gift of a son and also being his parent and protecting him. For me, the answer is placing my trust in Jesus. I have to fight every day to think that I can protect him
better, that I can stop any storms from coming. And the reality is, the hard
stuff in life usually brings us to a sweeter place. William will feel pain in
this life, he will be hurt and do some hurting himself. My prayer for him is that he will look to Jesus.
And as I hope for William, I too will look to Jesus. I will
trust that a balance of sharing and protecting is a good example of being in
the world and not of it. So here is a little peek of William lately.
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| For all who are confused, his mohawk is not man-made. Sticks straight up right out of the bath! |
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| Newborn |
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| 4 months. |
With love,
L
